John Githui via Facebook
Something happened last weekend that shook my entire being.
We have this lady who has been doing us sukuma for a year now, I mostly call her mama mboga. We order the kales over the phone, she cuts and delivers them to our house, but this particular weekend, she could not come. She said she was extra busy and if the kales were that urgent, I should take myself to her kibanda. I didn’t have any other alternative, I went. She was busy when I got there, two more people were on queue as well, so I had to drop my collecting sufuria and loiter around (plastic bags ban).
When I got back there to pick up my content, alas! You could tell the job was shoddily done, they were badly done, worse than those at kamiti, some kales had not even see the knife. I was stunned, no angry… No I was mad. Is mad even the right word? I was on the loose. Both vocally and facially. This is the same mama that has been doing kales for us. How could she have forgotten her job or its “matharau ndogo ndogo?” I was enraged. I told her she was stupid and blind. I called her an idiot. She told me she had gotten mixed up and she was tired. I didn’t even bother to listen to her explanation. I threw the money on the floor and left, with my mboga, I couldn’t leave them behind.
All through my walk home, I was still bitter at her. I kept cursing her beneath my breadth. My stomach, innocently unaware of the whole situation was still rumbling in angry hunger; it needed something before Raila swears himself in. When I got home, my spirit was troubled. I knew I had over-reacted. Is it not just sukuma? Ordinary kales that I can even chop by myself? So I’m gonna trade this relationship because of kales? I told myself I just have to call her.
I had to apologize.
And so I did. She was surprised. She pleaded with me on the phone. That her mind was elsewhere. And I shouldn’t be angry. I was still fuming but I just had to accept the apology. Even if I rain fire and brimstone, the kales were already roasting in my big sufuria. She promised coming to my house the next day, Sunday to sharpen the front. I didn’t allow her do all that at her kibanda cos madness wouldn’t let me be. I told her I was deeply sorry too. For letting out too much unnecessary steam. For the abusive words. We ended the convo with laughter and my spirit became lighter.
Sunday came and I waited for her at the time she was supposed to come. I called her number and it kept ringing. Hours passed and it was still the same. I was already thinking, ‘hawa single mothers ni ovyo sana’. After a while, I decided to walk to her kibanda. If Mohammed cannot go to mountain, at least let mountain go to Mohammed. I got there and it was locked. ‘No wahala’ I thought. Her house is just a stone throw to her kibanda. I arrived at the house and saw people wailing. ‘What could have happened’, I wondered to myself as I pulled close.
On getting there, I got one of the most shocking news of my life. This lady has passed away. This same madam gangan. Our mama mboga. The one I saw yesterday. The one that was seemingly hale and hearty. I was told she died on her way to the theatre. She had been battling kidney problems. She has been managing her health. She told no one except her siblings. It became severe on Saturday evening and she had to be rushed to the hospital. My tears became uncontrollable. I felt so much pity for her aged mum, ohh no. I was mad at myself. So she was sick, that yesterday. She has been sick…Ohmaigod! Even though I had mended my wrong, I was still frigging mad at myself. I cried and cried. A young nice mom, cut at her prime.
I got a lot of lessons from this experience.
●Be slow to anger, even when you have every reasons to
●Give people the opportunity to express themselves, even if you are convinced they’ll talk trash. There might just be a lil sense in their explanations.
●React less when you are hurting. You never can tell the deep shit the other party is going through.
●Be empathic. Be sympathetic
●Learn to let go of things that cannot be changed
●Say sorry even though you are at the receiving end. It doesn’t make you less of what you are. It only shows you value the relationship more than your ego.
●Forgive that person even though you are deeply hurt.
Make that call today, apologize, say you are sorry, let go. I know you are still grieving about the hurt, the betrayals. If the altercation is beyond saying sorry, if the wound is deep and can’t be in any way covered, if the friendship can’t be in any way reignited, just let go of it in your heart.
It’s very much possible!
I’m glad I made that call.
MAKE THAT CALL