Reminding those with drunk memories, I am Augus, grandson to the great Chief Ogao, the current most famous student at the University of Nairobi and beyond and they say I’m the shortest adult in Kenya.
Goons in the University of Nairobi led by Ndege Serikal, Isaac Pirate, Apiyo Apiyo and Angel Mbuthia have formed a habit of ridiculing my height and especially Pirate who never shaves his beards says that I’m shorter than a female witch doctor’s stool. But I don’t think much about what they say because comrades love my height. In fact, many like Kamili wish to be like me.
I thank my parents for bringing me into this world, especially as a short human being and this is why;
Being short has helped my health. I use very little energy in remaining upright and since the distance between my mouth and stomach is short, I maximize the eating process. As you can see, I’m healthier than anyone around me.
In demonstrations, I have never been caught by the police. Unlike tall comrades whose knees knock and buckle, I have participated in 13 demonstrations by SONU and CORD and I’ve never been hit by any policeman or woman. (SaiTaaan)
Being uniquely short has helped me avoid crime and now I’m assured of not only avoiding any cell but also first class ticket to heaven.
I know that I’m special, I’m unique and so I cannot engage in any petty crimes. I could easily be identified and crucified.
Being short has also helped my voice. It is steady and mature. The veins on my neck are like for a very tall army officer and my phone is ever ringing. Ladies are dying to hear my voice. And by the way, do you know that ladies confess that my voice makes them feel sweet and shy?
I am very confident because of my looks. My looks are rare and I’m very sexy. This is not just me talking. WOSWA and ladies’ organizations have twice invited me to address them.
Of course I didn’t go because they’d all fight for me.
Whether you like it or not, I’m handsome, I’m short, I’m famous and I’m currently the most sought after voice in Nairobi.
I’m AUGUS NYAKWAR OGAO
Bishop of Height